Cochlear? Sign Language?

   So now I've had a little time to let this news sink in. Im happy to HONESTLY say we're still doing just fine. :) Maybe because deep down Ryan and I both knew. We definitely hoped it wouldn't be profound, but we knew. Parental instinct is an amazing thing. Even with her eyes! I had no clue, but Ryan had an inkling. One he didn't realize he had until after the results came. His exact words to me were " I guess Im not surprised. when I would wave my hands above her face she wouldn't see it. I just figured it was nothing."
     The not knowing for certain about the amount of her hearing loss was so hard tho. I came to dread family members asking if I was able to get a reaction. Because I wasn't. But what if that didn't necessarily mean she was deaf? I couldn't lie and say I had gotten a reaction when I had not. What if we came back and found her hearing loss was just mild? I would be causing unnecessary worry. What if they thought I was lying and was a sick human being and was just trying to get attention. Or making a big deal out of something that wasn't? And honestly these thoughts came because I originally though these of myself, to then really looking at myself and knowing better, to then realizing if I could think this of myself, others could think this too. It was an all around horrible time. So that being said, Were happy to have the news. Even tho its not the best news. Its an answer! and we can move forward with this! and I'm DANG excited!

   With answers comes realization on other things. For example I was given another book on hearing loss. In it there was this snip;
   "My daughter was so frightened by the darkness that she would scream herself to sleep if one of us was not touching her until sleep came. She did so many things different than our hearing child. What we had to realize was that her behavior, while sometimes different from the behavior of hearing children, was normal for a child who could not hear. Once we had that knowledge we were able to communicate better with her."
  This explains A LOT! Celina has been sooo hard to get to sleep lately! So fussy and seemingly in pain! I would always make sure it was dark when trying to get her down. Not realizing that to a deaf person Complete darkness means turning off her whole entire world! how did I not see this? Instead I thought turning out the lights would make her realize its time to sleep given she didn't get the cues from a quiet house. So tonight Ill keep the lights on and rock her to sleep. hopefully it helps! The rest of the quote is a good reminder to myself. And if I already expect it, maybe this can go a little smoother?

   Though we'ere ok and happy to have an answer. It doesn't mean our world hasn't completely changed again. I now have to look at cochlear implants! and believe it or not, these scare me. Obviously I want my baby to hear. But its not that simple. This is another surgery. So close to her brain! What if they don't work for her? Sometimes, for no apparent reason, They just don't work for some people. What if she does have a syndrome, and her mental capacity is impaired? Will she be able to go through and learn the extensive therapy of training the brain that comes with cochlear implants? With the brain training, what if I wait and let her make the decision herself? Will she resent me if the training turns out to be a lot harder because she waited? So while to many the answer is so easy and just a given. With Celina's circumstances the decision is HARD!

   Sign Language. This I definitely want to learn! I just hope i'm able to grasp and learn it well. Its its own whole language! I took French in high school and didnt do so well. lol. But maybe Because this is a way to have a conversation or communicate with my daughter, it wont be so overwhelming to me. Maybe it'll be exciting instead! Another reason I want to learn ASL, Cochlear implant and hearing aids run on batteries. What if they died and there was no access to more. They are like a mini computer, what if for some reason they weren't working properly for a period of time? How horrible would it be that her communication channel was completely cut off and we had no other form of communication? with our own daughter!!!
 
  Oh the things I never imagined I would have to think of... Or were even things to consider.