Very interesting.

https://youtu.be/tJeAG8tZyf4

Deaf history and culture.
Very interesting perspectives.
I can't decide how I feel about it... lol there are some things I can understand and others I cant understand... probably because I'm not deaf... anyways. Thoughts?

 

Aaaad we begin....

  ...... To learn ASL. Lol. I feel like im learning quite fast!! Kinda surprised at myself! I've been doing online classes and watching videos yesterday and today. So now i'm trying to incorporate what I've learned so far into daily conversation. I feel thats the only way I'll be able to remember it lol. I even got Eli to sign a few words!!! And maybe best of all, Ryan learned the alphabet in about a half hour!! Very proud of my little family :)

   I also talked to the craniofacial team today. They asked for an update on her overall health, and I updated them on the bilateral coloboma and profound hearing loss diagnosis. She (her name is also cheryl) said they dont want to see Celina until she has teeth coming in. But would like to get me into genetics as soon as possible! She definitely stressed as soon as possible. She also says CHARGE immediately sprung to her mind. So I called to set that up AGAIN after cancelling once (before we knew about the coloboma) at their request to wait, To of course having the genetics team scheduler not being in. :( So I'll give it another try tomorrow!!!

   Celina is of course, still adorable and fat!!

Cochlear? Sign Language?

   So now I've had a little time to let this news sink in. Im happy to HONESTLY say we're still doing just fine. :) Maybe because deep down Ryan and I both knew. We definitely hoped it wouldn't be profound, but we knew. Parental instinct is an amazing thing. Even with her eyes! I had no clue, but Ryan had an inkling. One he didn't realize he had until after the results came. His exact words to me were " I guess Im not surprised. when I would wave my hands above her face she wouldn't see it. I just figured it was nothing."
     The not knowing for certain about the amount of her hearing loss was so hard tho. I came to dread family members asking if I was able to get a reaction. Because I wasn't. But what if that didn't necessarily mean she was deaf? I couldn't lie and say I had gotten a reaction when I had not. What if we came back and found her hearing loss was just mild? I would be causing unnecessary worry. What if they thought I was lying and was a sick human being and was just trying to get attention. Or making a big deal out of something that wasn't? And honestly these thoughts came because I originally though these of myself, to then really looking at myself and knowing better, to then realizing if I could think this of myself, others could think this too. It was an all around horrible time. So that being said, Were happy to have the news. Even tho its not the best news. Its an answer! and we can move forward with this! and I'm DANG excited!

   With answers comes realization on other things. For example I was given another book on hearing loss. In it there was this snip;
   "My daughter was so frightened by the darkness that she would scream herself to sleep if one of us was not touching her until sleep came. She did so many things different than our hearing child. What we had to realize was that her behavior, while sometimes different from the behavior of hearing children, was normal for a child who could not hear. Once we had that knowledge we were able to communicate better with her."
  This explains A LOT! Celina has been sooo hard to get to sleep lately! So fussy and seemingly in pain! I would always make sure it was dark when trying to get her down. Not realizing that to a deaf person Complete darkness means turning off her whole entire world! how did I not see this? Instead I thought turning out the lights would make her realize its time to sleep given she didn't get the cues from a quiet house. So tonight Ill keep the lights on and rock her to sleep. hopefully it helps! The rest of the quote is a good reminder to myself. And if I already expect it, maybe this can go a little smoother?

   Though we'ere ok and happy to have an answer. It doesn't mean our world hasn't completely changed again. I now have to look at cochlear implants! and believe it or not, these scare me. Obviously I want my baby to hear. But its not that simple. This is another surgery. So close to her brain! What if they don't work for her? Sometimes, for no apparent reason, They just don't work for some people. What if she does have a syndrome, and her mental capacity is impaired? Will she be able to go through and learn the extensive therapy of training the brain that comes with cochlear implants? With the brain training, what if I wait and let her make the decision herself? Will she resent me if the training turns out to be a lot harder because she waited? So while to many the answer is so easy and just a given. With Celina's circumstances the decision is HARD!

   Sign Language. This I definitely want to learn! I just hope i'm able to grasp and learn it well. Its its own whole language! I took French in high school and didnt do so well. lol. But maybe Because this is a way to have a conversation or communicate with my daughter, it wont be so overwhelming to me. Maybe it'll be exciting instead! Another reason I want to learn ASL, Cochlear implant and hearing aids run on batteries. What if they died and there was no access to more. They are like a mini computer, what if for some reason they weren't working properly for a period of time? How horrible would it be that her communication channel was completely cut off and we had no other form of communication? with our own daughter!!!
 
  Oh the things I never imagined I would have to think of... Or were even things to consider.

The Monday I've been waiting for...

Its Finally here!!!


    This morning started off with Meeting some of Celina's Therapists.  There was a Special Education teacher. She will be watching Celina's overall development including physical and motor development and trying to keep her on track with kids her age throughout the years. There was also a D/HH (deaf/hard of hearing) Teacher. She will be helping Celina progress with whatever communication method we choose, wether it be sign language, Verbal/Oral, Cued Speech, or Complete/Total communication (verbal and signing). A Blind/Visual impaired teacher who will help us with ways to use the vision she has to its highest potential and motor development etc. There was also the Initial intake facilitator, but she will be here only a few times here and there. The Speech therapists wasn't able to make it out today, so hopefully we'll be meeting her soon. These ladies are seriously amazing. They are so understanding and explain everything sooo clearly. They're also chalked FULL of many different resources that I cant wait to tap! In the blink of an eye they had been here for over 2 hours! I was a little disappointed our time was already up lol but I just need to wait until next week when they come again. Right now they're all coming together to establish a "baseline" or initial evaluation for Celina. From there we'll develop an IFSP (Individual family service plan) Where each teacher will work individually with her in their own area of expertise. Cant wait to see this in action and learn all sorts of new things to help my baby girl!

    Later in the afternoon we had Celina's repeat ABR to tell us exactly how much hearing loss Celina has after the fluid was drained by tubes. In order to get the best results Celina needed to be asleep for the test, it was recommend bringing your child tired and hungry. So I gave her her last bottle at 11;30ish and kept her awake until the appointment. She was NOT a happy camper. It was quite difficult to keep her awake! lol but I managed. Of course when it came time for the test I gave her her bottle to get her to go to sleep and She REFUSED! Little sassy pants was NOT giving in! finally about an hour later she couldn't fight it anymore and to sleep she went!

   Once the testing was complete, Dr.J gave us our results. Celina has profound hearing loss in both ears. She is completely deaf. At the first ABR they predicted she would have moderate hearing loss after tubes... Not so much. lol. I cant say I was shocked (banging pots and pans next to her head ring a bell? lol) But I was definitely surprised! I guess I thought if she was completely deaf she wouldn't make any babbling sounds at all and would sound very mono-tone. Dr.J explained, that will come around 6 months, she will start to sound very flat. Dr.J then explained our action plan. We're going to try hearing aids, and if those don't seem to work, (there's a strong possibility with profound hearing loss) we will then start looking at cochlear Implants. I don't know too horribly much about the implants, so looks like I have some more research to do! The hearing aids will be a lot of trial and error in the programing to see if they are working for Celina. She said if at about 7-8 months we don't notice a significant difference we will start looking at the implant. They also start putting them in at this age so works out perfect! Also, sign language, here I come!!! Nov. 13th she will get her first pair of hearing aids. They took molds of her ears at the end of her appointment today. I'm hoping sooo bad she will be able to hear me!!!

    So.... not to bad of a day! not the best news, but not the worst news either!

It could still always be worse. :)

 

Wheew! I can Breath.....

   So Just got off the phone with the doctor! Celina,s Liver and Kidneys look completely normal!!! So Ecstatic!!! I can breath again!!! November 11th we have her ECHO and Ill be holding my breath again. But given these results I'm feeling A LOT more positive of the out come :) Maybe we are extremely lucky and blessed, and this is the extent of her issues!? I pray that's the case! I cant begin to explain the overwhelming joy I feel at receiving good news! This time I got to cry happy tears :). Tears of relief. Thank you everyone for your prayers and thoughts. Please Continue to pray for us as we continue through further testing!

Up Researching... AGAIN! (Edited to add)

     I've got my trusty little sidekick here researching possible syndromes with me.She just doesn't wanna sleep tonight! we must be taking turns.  
  As I'm sitting here indulging in my love/hate relationship with google. I cant help but recall all the things that MIGHT be a symptom of something. When she was born her Skull bones (is that what you would call them??) were still overlapped and she had a very small soft spot. I remember The pediatrician saying even tho it was small, It was there and not closed, so she wasn't getting too concerned about it. But should we have been?? In fact her skull is still slightly overlapped. looks like another thing to add to the list of questions for Dr.CL. She has a few other slight things as well that Ill be bringing up as well. Hopefully they're all just symptoms of me overreacting vs. actually being an issue. You know how google can be. Every little thing is suddenly something horrific. Example: Reading that a symptom of one syndrome is floppy ears. I of course immediately check Celina's ears. One is just fine while he other doesn't seem to have much cartilage in the top portion. Let the worrying commence. Dang you Google!!!

   I'm really hoping I get the ultrasound results before the weekend. I've said it a million times and I'll say it again. Waiting and the unknown are THE. WORST. PART. At least when I know, there are actions to take and i'm not unnecessarily freaking myself out. If I need to wait until monday I might just lose my mind. At least I'm somewhat busy with FUN stuff this weekend. Ryan has a work party thingy saturday night. I was just gonna take the kids along. But today decided to spring for a sitter. I was able to get my younger sister to come stay over. WOOT WOOT! lol. Then sunday is church, so maybe it wont be so bad... but still it would be nice. Maybe Ill just give them a call tomorrow to get a general idea on when I might be getting them... I was given a direct line to my doctor. Huge plus! Now I don't have to do the whole run around thing where I call, leave a message. get a call back by a random nurse who asks me to basically repeat what I put in my message, to then have to wait on a call back again as she tries to hunt down an answer... uggghhh! always so frustrating. I guess that means things are a little more serious tho... Pros and cons. always hand in hand.

    I've been doing very well the past few days! It probably has a lot to do with how busy I've been! We'll see how it goes tomorrow when I have nothing going on and have time to REALLY think about it. Maybe I should find something to do.. I dont think im ready for it to sink in yet. And there's still hope her issues are at their extent. Dwelling on it might cause me to lose hope... yep. That's it. Gotta find something to distract myself tomorrow! Maybe Ill just go find a new good book or series to start reading! Suggestions? Reading is definitely one of my best escapes. Always has been!

   Welp. Now i'm just rambling so I suppose I should get this little punkin off to bed! Maybe I'll even get some sleep as well!?




    I posted a link that kinda shows why were now looking at a syndrome as a result of the coloboma.
https://nei.nih.gov/health/coloboma/coloboma
 
****Edited to add That I found this. Both are signs of CHARGE or fetal alcohol Syndrome, and I Definitely didn't drink. Celina has both of these, tho with the ear im only noticing one side :( http://www.modernhandreadingforum.com/t410-the-hockey-stick-crease-a-characteristic-in-charge-fetal-alcohol-syndrome

 

Its gonna be a long day...

  So its 5am and I still cant sleep. Celina has her abdominal ultrasound tomorrow, Or I guess it would be today, for her liver and kidneys. Im feeling pretty positive about the appointment, But I guess we'll see! Eli has been potty training for the past week, but is deathly afraid of public toilets. lol. Maybe it because they flush a lot louder? who knows... Anyways. So that being, all these appointments and running around is making potty training a little more difficult. After today tho we won't have another appointment until monday! so maybe we can get him back on track! Other than that hes doing very well with it!! Monday we have therapy and her audiology appointments. There are going to be 4 different therapists coming out to our house. And we will be meeting them for the first time. Im really excited for these ones! Im hoping they will be able to give us pointers on keeping Celina stimulated enough and different ways of interaction. The four different therapists will be; A deaf/hard of hearing teacher, A vision teacher, speech therapist, and special education teacher. They will be with us for 3 years and will then re-evaluate. Very excited to get this going! I believe they will each be coming out once a week to work with her, but suppose it depends on her initial evaluation and what they think she needs. The HUGE plus about these guys is they come out to my house!! Makes life a little easier :)

   I'll post an update when we receive results on her ultrasound. There is power in prayer and if I could please ask for you to keep us in yours :)

"It can always be worse!" and it was.

   Where to even start. My brain is swirling. My world has flipped upside down. what we thought was just a hearing loss with a cleft, is looking like so much more.

   Dr.CL sent us to an ophthalmologist to check out Celinas eyes. Just as precaution with her other issues. I almost cancelled the appointment. It didn't seem like there was any issue. she seemed to see just fine to me. I was wrong. She has a rare anomaly called coloboma in both of her eyes. The chances of this is less than 1 in 10,000!!! I was in absolute shock!!! The optimologist explained it this way;
"Its like a cleft of the eye. a hole in the eye where the tissue never formed." He then pulled out a picture of a retina and explained to me where the optic nerve was and Central vision. He explained that her "cleft" we will call it, went from the bottom of her retina and arched up almost touching the Optic nerve and came back down to the other side. That being the location means that her upper peripheral vision was completely gone. never existed. Think of wearing a hat where the brim is sitting at the top of your eye and was also a few feet long. That is what her vision is like. they weren't able to tell yet if there is any effect on the rest of her vision, as in near/farsightedness, so we go back in six months to re evaluate. I wasn't able to ask many questions due to the fact that I couldn't swallow and was trying desperately to hold back tears.

  That's not so bad right? If it was an isolated incident it wouldn't be. Our main concern now is that, in connection with the hearing loss, cleft, and Bifid uvula, These defects usually only present together in a Syndrome, other sequence or bigger issue. We talked to Dr.CL today and he explained that with most syndromes there are problems with the heart, liver and kidneys. Also the brain. I'm sure you can understand the fear that comes with that statement. I'm terrified. So Dr.CL put orders in for an Echo cardiogram, which is kind of like an ultrasound for the heart. An ultrasound for her liver and kidneys, and a referral to a neurologist. He also put a note in to the Crainiofacial team to get her to the geneticist a bit sooner. The plus side on receiving this news was, with a syndrome her issues as they are, its possible they may be the extent of them.

   CHARGE Syndrome. This is the first Syndrome Dr.CL is looking at. If you want to get really scared, go ahead and google it. If she were to have this, her form would be very mild. CHARGE syndrome comes with Colobomas, Ear problems/hearing loss, Deformations/clefts, Physical and mental retardation, Urinary Issues, Heart Problems, Skin issues, Liver and Kidney Issues, OCD, sensory issues,The list goes on. Not every person who has this has every single symptom, and the severity of them varies from mild to severe. I read on one website and my understanding (and I could be wrong) was that generally a child with 4 of the defects to be diagnosed with CHARGE. Celina has 3 so far with what we know.


   Ok. Now for the part where I  let my emotions out. I now know I'm making this blog public and people will be reading it so I'm extremely nervous. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate showing sadness or "weakness". I'm just horrible at it. I'm an excellent faker. Something about showing emotion makes me feel extremely vulnerable. when I'm alone is the only time I feel completely free letting it out. I know its not healthy to be this way all the time so here goes.

   I haven't been able to eat in 2 days. LH brought me cookies after hearing the news and that's the only thing I've been able to eat in two days.Sleeping is also an issue. I just feel nauseous. The unknown is just way to much for me to handle. I don't do well with having no control. With that comes my love/hate relationship with google. I'm constantly googling every little thing I can think of that might have a connection. The tears are off and on. I haven't had a complete breakdown yet. Nor a good ole fashioned bawl fest. I just tend to tear up here and there.  The stress is definitely taking its toll. Im snapping on Ryan over the stupidest things. Thankfully I have such a wonderful understanding husband. I cant speak for him, but I know he is having a very hard time with this as well. And as odd as it sounds, seeing Ryan break down comforted me a little. It reminded me that im not alone. Hes going thru and feeling every emotion that I am. Yes hes not able to be at every appointment, and be the one to initially receive and give the bad news. But its his daughter too. Im not alone. I just need a break. I just need to know my princess is ok. Please let her be ok.

Also feel free to ask questions!

I Think I've Gone Crazy!!!

   This is seriously the worst part. not having a definite answer yet. Seriously can the 26th PLEASE come any quicker? This waiting is driving me insane!!! So Celina got her tubes put in exactly 2 weeks ago. The Audiologist appointment to re evaluate her hearing is in another 2 weeks! at this appointment we will find out just how bad Celina's hearing loss really is. The wait is driving me nuts! I'm a huge control freak and the unknown and I just don't get along! So since her tubes have been in and fluid drained, there was a possibility of some hearing. Of course I'm trying with all my might to get her to respond to a sound. I clap, whistle, snap, and yell constantly!! Eli probably also thinks I'm nuts lol. while 99% of the time I get ZERO response, there are time where I THINK I see a reaction. But did she see the movement and cue in on that? Shes very sensitive to touch, so did she feel the air on her face when I clapped that time? Most claps result in nothing so that's probably the case. But still. Being unsure is just too hard for me. Ive been googling different hearing tests to do at home, testing frequency clips right next to her, scouring the Internet almost 24/7...you know. Things any sane person would do... hah! Anyways, today I think Ive officially gone over the edge. In one of my google surfing sessions I saw something about banging pots and pans. Yeah. No joke. I totally did it. The noise woke up Eli and my ears still hurt a bit. Celina? Not even an eye flutter!! And I had it right next to her head!! The second I lightly touched her face tho, she jolted awake. So... Think I have my answer???

Lets give this a shot.. the Beggining.

*LONG FIRST POST

 So I've never written a blog before. Or even read one. I have no clue how any of this works so please bear with me! pointers are welcome. I just need a place to let all emotion out! I could use Facebook, but feel its not the right place to express such emotion. I could talk to people, but most people I know, are way kind to ever express if they were sick of hearing it and I feel like that's all I talk about anyway. Even when I'm not talking about it, I'm definitely thinking of it. My daughter being born with hearing loss has changed my life. So! here I am.

  My daughter Celina was born Via scheduled C section, on a beautiful day at the end of July. I couldn't WAIT to meet her. Our little family would be even more perfect with a little girl. Her big brother Eli would no longer be an only child. So... bright and early and extremely nervous we headed to the hospital.

   The first sign of trouble was almost Immediately after she was born. The doctor showed us our precious angel over the curtain. she was so swollen and adorable! I actually thought she was fat. probably because I wanted a fat baby so desperately! they just have such adorable squishy cheeks and aaaah I Just adore the fatness! She turned out to be 7lbs and very petite. haha! anyways. about 30 seconds after they showed her to us they pulled my husband aside. Seriously! why do doctors do this!!! Its horrible human torture!!! There I was, strapped to a table, and they pull my husband aside! as if im not going to know something is wrong!!! I immediately started internally freaking out! did she stop breathing? is she blue? does she have downs syndrome? some horrible birth defect? My mind was racing! After what felt like an eternity they came over to me with my baby. I saw her and instantly had a feeling of relief. I could clearly see what was wrong. Just a cleft lip. "just a cleft lip" I kept repeating it to myself over and over. I had a distant cousin who had one when I was younger. So I knew it was something very fixable. And that Is where our journey began.

   We settled into our room and had so many visitors. I remembered thinking my daughter is going to be so loved! We are so blessed to have such a big extended family! Everyone cared sooo much and it was very heartwarming. Celina being born with a "defect" had won a soft spot in many peoples hearts. We cant forget that fact that regardless of the Lip she was absolutely gorgeous. Just perfect. We marveled over her perfection and how soft and sweet her little cry was. Her cry was silent at first. You would just see her face contorted and going beat red each cry for the first few hours. Then she started making noise. I wish I could describe how soft, quiet, and sweet it is. As a mother I was excited lol. she wasn't a screamer. No one likes the sound of a screaming or crying baby. Her cry was barely audible from a few feet away! I had no clue this was because she was not able to hear a single thing.

   On day 2 of Celina's little life they took her for routine testing. My husband (Ryan) and I started googling cleft lips and all it entails. we learned from doctors Celina did not have a cleft palate, that it was just high. we were very excited! this would greatly reduce the number of surgeries she would have to have. An hour or so after they took her for testing, they brought her back in. they let us know that Celina had failed her hearing test in both ears. She told us not to be worried and that many babies fail their first hearing test and they would re-test the next day. But something in me couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't ok. Being one of the oldest of a family with 8 kids, having 12 nieces and nephews,  tons of friends with many kids, and being around large amounts of kids all my life, Id never heard of a child failing their hearing tests. So of course I started calling all my family members and friends, asking if any of their kids have failed. None of them had. If this was so common wouldnt I have heard of at least one? I then resorted to good 'ol google. I found many searches supporting the fact that kids born via c section almost always failed their first test. But also found that the ears, lips, and palate formed at the same time and hearing loss was linked to cleft issues. I didn't know how to feel. I was very uneasy. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but at the same time I felt I couldn't be devastated over something that we didnt even know for certain was an issue. The day went on and I pretended to be just fine. Kept fighting with myself that everything was going to be fine, yet having a gut feeling of just KNOWING it wasn't. For some reason I just KNEW. I cant explain it. Every part of me fought my gut instinct, wanting sooo bad for it to be wrong. The emotions were insane. My thoughts were crude. Like how tough of a life is my precious little baby gonna have? she already looks goofy. Shes gonna be deaf on top of it? shes gonna be the deaf goofy looking kid. To me she was perfect. To society? maybe not so much. My heart just broke. Its breaking again just remembering that feeling. Ryan took Eli at one point to go get lunch. I was alone and could finally cry. I don't know why I felt I couldn't cry in front of Ryan. I think I felt to guilty to cry about it. But I was finally alone and sobbed my eyes out. A nurse saw and grabbed the doctor. She was so so nice. She didn't sugar coat it and say she was gonna pass and be ok. She said even if she didn't pass, she was gonna be ok. and oddly that made me feel so much better. As I was talking with the doctor and still crying a little bit, Ryan came back. He just sat there and listened and teared up a bit. This is the first time we showed each other emotion about it. we had talked about how we felt, but seeing the emotion was so much different. I realized I wasn't alone.

   On day 3 we were set to be discharged right at supper time. Celina would have her 2nd hearing test right before we left. Acceptance of her issues were setting in and I was packing up getting ready to head home. The nurse had taken Celina Earlier while we went to eat down in the cafeteria. As we were packing up the nurse came in to take my vitals one more time before we left. I asked her if she knew whether Celina had passed her hearing test or not. the answer was no. The nurse gave us a sheet to give to our primary pediatrician, and told us we needed to set up a more extensive hearing test. Again she told us failing the second is also somewhat common. I remember thinking "that's such bullshit. This is not normal."

     Celinas Dr.(Dr.CL) referred us to an audiologist and ENT with Children's. I made the appointments for almost a month out. It seemed like an eternity to wait. I just wanted to know! I felt like I was in limbo. Not knowing was probably one of the worst parts. I would constantly snap and talk in her ear to see if she had any reaction to the sound. I would sometimes think I would notice a reaction, but would never know if it was the vibrations on my chest or her just seeing the movement. Most of the time tho I got nothing.

   The day of her appointment was finally here. My mom came with me. I didnt think I would need Ryan there, because I felt I had accepted any outcome. Also Ryan missing a day of work would make us very tight that month. Boy was I glad my mom was there. The Audiologist (Dr.J) told us she would run 4 different tests. I forget what some of them were called but the two I remember are a TAOE and ABR. She ran the first two tests and told us fluid was present in one ear and preassre in the other. She also assured us she only had about one paitent a year who turned out to have an actual hearing loss or issue. I started to feel better about the what the outcome would be. "Maybe it was just fluid". We then went into a soundproof room to do some more extensive testing. Dr.J was a lot less chatty now. Only saying little things here and there. I also noticed she kept re testing and re testing. we went over the alloted 2 hours for the test. Once we were done and came out of the soundproof room, she gave us our results.Celina had moderate to sever hearing loss in one ear and sever to profound hearing loss in the other. She was almost completely deaf. I didnt know how to process this. I thought she could hear a little at least! she could hear next to nothing! Dr.J then went on to explain that she thought Celina needed tubes to drain the fluid, and release the pressure. After this was done Celina's hearing loss would be in the moderate range. The hearing chart goes from Normal to mild to moderate to severe to profound. Dr.J asked us to tell the ENT (who we would see the following week) to get the tubes in before three months of age, so she wouldn't need to put Celina under for the next hearing test. Also to reschedule with her to retest to gauge the exact amount of hearing loss and set up for hearing aids. My baby needed hearing aids. This was now so real. I did not expect this swarm of many different emotions. Relief. Devastation. Anxious. Guilt. They just kept coming in waves. I was so lost. I thought I was prepared for this result! I knew my life was now changed.

    At the ENT appointment we learned so much more about her cleft lip. The ENT surgeon (Dr.L) did some check ups and checked her palate. He too saw no hole! yay! He didn't seem to want to talk much about Celina's hearing and was more focused on her lip. Makes sense given hes a surgeon. He set us up for her surgery 2 weeks out. He was going to fix her lip, insert tubes, and do a scope thingy up her nose to see the top of her palate just as a double check. the surgery would take about 3 hours. The day of the surgery came and off to the hospital we went! I was surprisingly calm. She went into surgery and we settled in for the wait. Some of both Ryan and my family came in support. A nurse called about every hour to update us on progress and how she was doing, which was nice. Everything went so well! I didn't get anxious until they told us she was done and we could see her when she woke up. I couldn't wait to see her! 45 min later she was awake! We could finally see her! The first thing I saw was her face. She looked so different! she was so beautiful. I was shocked to realize I was also kind of sad! This wasn't my baby! She looked like a completely different baby. I actually cried a little. Of course my rational side knew it was for the better. I couldn't stop staring at her. I probably stared at her that whole night.

   Celina has been home from her surgery for almost 2 weeks now. Her recovery is going fantastically! her swelling is down, glue came off, and the visible stitches have already dissolved! she looks fantastic. I cant believe how good of a job they are able to do! looking at pictures before the surgery I still get a little sad. I miss that little lip sometimes. It was a part of who she is. But now so is her fixed lip!So far I haven't noticed any signs of hearing. Dr. CL told me it should be immediate after tubes if she WAS to hear. So my gut tells me her hearing might actually be severe vs moderate. Im ok with that. Her next hearing test is on the 26th so we will no for sure then. Im not sure if she will get her hearing aids that day or what. I just cant wait for my princess to hear my voice!

   I plan to update as we go through this journey with all its struggles, milestones, achievements and emotions. I appreciate any support!