Waiting on Tomorrow.

      Tomorrow is here. Tomorrow is the day! Celina goes into surgery for her implant. So incredibly nervous, excited, sad, giddy, all the emotions balled up into one person. I don't know if I should laugh, cry hysterically or both. I cant do either or anything for that matter. Trying to get things done I end up walking aimlessly in circles around my house. My nerves are at end. The feeling of nausea has turned to actual vomit. So I'll take to writing instead. Im literally shaking. The tears are creeping thru occasionally. I don't know if they are happy or sad. I guess it doesn't matter. They're just there. Where is my strength? My faith? I desperately need it. I've had it every other time shes gone under. Why does is this time so hard? Celina's entire world is going to change. Just by one little sense,
that we all have, being turned on.

    Celina goes into surgery tomorrow morning at 7:45 am. Due to her CHARGE Syndrome and the anatomy of her inner ear being so messed up, they have allotted a little over 5 hrs for her surgery. One that usually takes 2hrs for a typical child. 4hrs for both sides in a typical child being implanted. They have 2 doctors performing the surgery. Again a typical surgery would only have one. Only 2 people are allowed by her bedside at a time. Those visiting will have to take turns. Im lucky to have family members of mine and Ryan's coming to support us during the surgery. I need this support. Im going to need the distraction as we sit and wait for 5hrs. If anyone would like to come sit with us, you are absolutely welcome. Eli will not be allowed in her room. No kids under 5 due to cold and flu season. Eli has an awesome auntie B who is going to get him off to school and then after bring him to come wait with us. I'm so thankful. I know he would be restless sitting in a waiting room for 5 hrs. This way Ill have my Eli to snuggle with for a part of the time, and he doesn't have to sit and wait with us for so long. Always hard for little boys full of energy. Also we will be sent home that day if everything goes well. I had originally been told it was an overnight stay. Going home so soon makes me nervous. As a friend pointed out, she can't communicate if she's feeling off. I would feel so much more comfortable staying, Just in case. I think I'm going to pack an overnight bag anyway and voice my concern to the doctor. Also due to Celina being on thickener for her liquids, she won't be able to even drink anything past 10pm the night before. This is because they consider thickener in her liquids a 'solid food'. I'm going to have one cranky baby tomorrow.

   I'm in a fantastic CHARGE group on Facebook. A few of them actually. Where we are able to ask questions, vent frustrations, ask for prayers, give updates etc. It seems lately we have lost so many little CHARGE babies and children in our group. Not long ago one was due to complications after an implant surgery. This hits so close.  Please pray. If you don't pray, just think of us please.

    We got back from A wonderful vacation this week! It was a perfect distraction. Both Eli and Celina loved it. No better way to calm the nerves than the beach and sun. I don't think I thought about her surgery until the way home. I mean I thought about it, but just in quick passing. No nerve jangling thoughts. But! Now the day is nearly here and there's no avoiding the nerves. Writing this has helped immensely. The nerves have subsided to a small jitter vs. a large quake. There is strength in numbers. The more people thinking of us and praying for us the better. And I know soon, when I post this, many of you will be. And I can feel your thoughts and prayers. I really can. It comes in waves of strength. Gods will be done.