Am I doing the right thing??

    Im sitting here today, feeling shocked, confused, and hurt. I have received some backlash in putting up a gofundme campaign for a cochlear for Celina. I guess it looks like a money grab. I don't even know where to begin with this. or even if I should. I don't owe anyone an explanation. But for some reason still feel the need. I don't know, to maybe justify it to myself?

   I know I literally JUST threw a fundraiser for the CHARGE Syndrome foundation. Maybe putting this up so soon after is what gives the impression? Maybe I should have waited? The thing that just sticks in my mind tho, is the older they are, the longer you wait to have the Cochlear put in, the chances of best results fall. I know I'm not going to raise enough in a month let alone a year to get things going. So I guess my thought process was, the sooner the better. Maybe I was wrong?

    I also need to keep reminding myself, those who know me. Those who love me, Know completely %100 this is not a "money grab" they know me better than that. I just cant help feeling extremely hurt. Wouldn't anyone do whatever they possibly could to better their child's life? This is not for me. The fundraiser was not for me. These wont/have not gone toward personal spending. If anything the Cochlear is going to make my life way busier, more complicated, and not to mention more costly than it already is. We will need to go down to the cities a few times a week for therapy and mapping. This is on top of all her specialists appointments and at home therapies. In fact they wanted to start already, before we found out insurance denied us. This is for Celina. This is to make HER life better. To ease her struggle. To, if anything, give her a sense of "place" given she has limited other inputs. Starting the campaign was HARD for me. Therapists and friends had to help convince me. Just please. I beg. Don't judge what you would or wouldn't do until your in my shoes. I would climb mountains for Celina. This time? I had to swallow my pride for a flicker of hope.

    We obviously don't expect the entire thing to be covered. We know that that's not reasonable. We know that our own pockets, time, odd jobs, and savings are going to be scrapped completely dry for this. Just even with that we still need help. If I have given ANYONE the impression I was a money grabby type of person, I sincerely apologize.  I obviously need to work on presenting myself in a better light, or stop being so shy so you can truly get to know who and what type of person I am.

    The hardest part is I allowed myself to get excited about the cochlear. I held off allowing excitement until after the MRI to be sure she was a candidate. Now? I just feel crushed. It feels so far out of our reach.